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Give someone a compliment It shifts the focus to the other person and should make them feel good, Sandstrom explains.

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Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? You may have one really good conversation here or there, and then they disappear for a time. Yes, he juwt in law school, but I'm a firm believer that if someone wants to see you, they'll make time for you. Don't feel bad about it.

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With friends, too, I wanted to rekindle the energy of live conversation. While sometimes you end up meeting friends along the way, there are some people on dating sites who are truly in search of buddies over lovers. InWired even predicted that the phone call was poised for a comeback. Smartphones feel terrible to hold to your ear for more than a few minutes, but they make up for poor ergonomic de with one key feature: speakerphone. There's something about the prospect of sharing feelings with someone you don't know that's extremely inviting; because they're a stranger, they're less likely to take any other side over yours because they don't know the full story.

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If not, I'm making it a thing right now. You know, in person.

Absolutely not. You live in a society. As with many problems of shifting social norms that Millennials have encountered but not yet solved, Gen Z —kids and young adults currently 7 to 22 years old—might be the group llittle digs itself out from its many, many inboxes.

Serious pen pal red flag. By Kristin Magaldi Dec.

lik That's usually the way I let someone know I'm seriously considering meeting them or else, why bother? Research actually suggests that people who ask more questions are better liked by their conversation partners than people who ask fewer questions.

That's how history worked, right? Jusy might need to more actively consider developing yo skills themselves in order to maintain their relationships and social connections over the course of their lives. I wanted to crack a joke and hear someone laugh. And if that's not really a possibility, what's the point of even starting something with someone? Paul, my editor, is ambivalent about phone calls because his job requires much more multitasking than mine does, which means sometimes our priorities in the moment differ.

Or They Respond Pretty Sporadically The key to keeping someone on the hook is to give that person attention just before they've completely given up on talking with you.

Why talking about our problems helps so much (and how to do it)

If you feel like you're becoming their soundboard but are receiving nothing back, you've probably been pen pal-ed. Just be careful of this. Guhan Subramanian, the director of the Harvard Program on Negotiation, which teaches business- and law-school students the finer points of conflict resolution, argues that spoken conversation accomplishes far litttle in a shorter amount of time.

And for whatever reason, this guy just really didn't want to meet in person, no matter how many hours we spent chatting it up.

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They text and DM, too, of course, but the generation came of age with online video, and its facility with FaceTimeSkype, and other methods of video chat gives them an opportunity to develop conversational skills that older people might have lost. And if they're upfront from the get-go that all they want is someone to talk to, it's likely you won't change their mind, as unconventional as it is. It has yet to materialize, but hope springs eternal.

Especially for young people who tend to use their phones constantly, text messaging has become a roiling conversation that never really begins or ends.

For other people, a sense of anxiety can come from the on-the-spot nature of phone calls. But even more confusing than your average ghost is the virtual pen pal.

Talking to new people is hard because there are so many unknowns

In overlapping cases, the correct medium to use will have to be negotiated between conversation partners. Text-skeptical people do rear their he occasionally. Afterward, I feel the same contented buzz I got luke talking on the phone after school when I was 10, shortly before AOL Instant Messenger swept my generation onto the internet. But that itself can come with some drawbacks, according to Subramanian.

How can we do it better?

A question can either kick jst a conversation or keep it going, Sandstrom says. Asking also lets those with more severe phone-related anxiety opt out, and it helps identify people in your social circle who, like you, are secret chat-wanters. Our fear assumptions fail to take into the social norms of politeness, Schroeder says. Be curious Ask questions. The trick, according to Gerkin, is to be more actively thoughtful about which medium might be best suited to a particular interaction.

Talk to people on the telephone

But once you've established that you're interested maybe after a few days of talking, or soit's time to finally do something about it. If a person is already telling you their deepest, darkest secrets and you've only been chatting for a week, you guys either have some serious chemistry, or they're looking for a stranger lije confide in. Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud.

He was fine to text me, and even Snapchat me cute pictures of his dog, but every time I tried to hang out he'd make excuses.